Though not all of us Autistics might want the sensory experience of a hug – we definitely want a greater connection to a family and community in our ways.
Many Autistics have disconnected and/or been abandoned by their families because they couldn’t conform or ‘fit in.’ Some become the family scapegoat for all the family’s ills and troubles – even when the issues aren’t related related an inkling to the Autistic in the family. It’s still somehow the Autistic person’s fault for everything that happens in the world. It’s a weird, vicious, dehumanizing experience.
It is teen years and/or 20s that it becomes apparent the very pricey ABA touted as a miracle to make your Autistic kid less Autistic and more Neurotypical didn’t work. So in the end they have an Autistic child who will always present Autistic, even as an adult. Often parents are acting on misinformation and myths they were taught by non-Autistics and by organizations that have outright muted and harmed Autistic people for their own agendas.
Many Autistics are blamed for not succeeding with ABA and are blamed for not trying hard enough, doing enough, or whatever else they get told. I still can’t fathom why people think it’s ok to give Autistics supports and the goal is when they are doing well with those supports they start taking them away … and then the Autistic fails.
When the failure occurs, it’s placed as the Autistic person’s fault they failed and, yet they aren’t any less Autistic today than the day they were born. Setting Autistics up for failure in the guise of ‘support’ is utter bs.
Many families are kept from actual Autism Acceptance and never told how different the Autistic population is from the Neurotypical population, including 70% of us don’t identify as heterosexual. Transgender and gender-diverse people are 6x more likely to be Autistic and that’s just he start of our vast differences … this is what Autism Awareness bypassed completely, and it’s Autistics who are the ones that suffer for it.
We’re the ones rejected for it.
We’re the ones that die for it.
How many Autistics must go homeless, have incarceration as care, live in deep poverty, suffer abuse after abuse after abuse and either die by suicide, fillicide or murder? This is the real epidemic for the Autistic community. The news stories of us being harmed never, ever, ever stop. It’s overwhelming and tragic and still it continues. Every. Damn. Day.
Many Autistics are now networked online and finding their new families and communities. Just so sad they had to fight to survive into adulthood before finding their community. Worse yet, many won’t and they’ll never know the feeling of ‘home.’ They’ll never know true acceptance.
I’ve met many Autistics my age who have become a “parent” to Autistics not born to them. Myself included. The family ties we create with one another are very strong. Most of the time it’s just true acceptance and unconditional love these harmed Autistics are seeking. Simply stated they need someone to see them as a person: not broken, not hiding behind some mysterious wall, not a puzzle piece (which is a symbol representing eugenics), not in need of ‘fixing’ or ‘curing’ and worse.
The stories of terror some Autistics share of growing up will never cease to shock me. Just when I think I’ve heard it all, oh no. There’s another … and another and another … and it just keeps going.
Once Autistics find their people and have that acceptance, loyal bonds are created. And Autistics and loyalty 😉 that bond takes a lot to create and a lot to break. It takes massive amounts of stress and pressure to break it, and it might take years … but once that loyalty is broke, it’s broke. There’s no coming back. That’s been my lived experience of being Autistic, my lived experience of parenting Autistics and my lived experience of having 1000s of Autistic friends worldwide communicating similar stories about loyalty bonds being broken.
Be good to your children. All of them. They don’t deserve the rejection, the ugly and the life of poverty, homelessness, incarceration as care and inevitable abuse that follows trying to survive in a brutal world that won’t accept differences.
And when you don’t accept your child, the Autistic community of elders is out here … and every-time it’s possible, we will do our best to help them find the light and a place to feel ‘at home.’
#ActuallyAutistic #LightItUpGold #AllAutistics #WeAreWorthy #lgbtq #MomHugs #autism #NotADisease #WeAutisticPeople